7 Thoughts All Phlebotomists Have

Phlebotomists are knowledgeable, talented healthcare professionals whose work helps save lives. They also happened to choose a career that involves sticking people with sharp objects, so it should be no surprise that some of their thought processes are a bit quirky.

Their unique perspective, their tendency to analyze and question, and their sense of humor make the healthcare world a better place for all.

Here are seven thoughts every phlebotomist has – some of them on the daily.

“I am the vein master.” Two of your coworkers couldn’t hit the vein. You step up and nail it on the first try. Why aren’t they bowing before you? They should really be bowing before you.

“I am not the vein master.” Middle school science class taught you that human beings have veins. They need them to live. Now you’re not sure as you’ve spent minutes searching your patient’s arm in disbelief. What if everything you’ve ever learned is wrong?

“If I had veins like that I’d never leave the house.” Whoa. Holy vascularity. Seriously, if you had those veins, you’d stick yourself all day long just because you could. So. Many. Sites.

“So you like playing hard to get, eh?” Well isn’t that just cutest little vein? Oh, and it likes to roll, too? Challenge accepted. “You can run, but you can’t hide,” you mutter to yourself in a completely non-creepy way.

“I really need new shoes.” Do you want your feet to look attractive and be free of pain? Sorry, can’t have both. Perhaps you’ll just alternate throughout the week – cripplers on M-W-F, comfortable clown shoes on T-Th. Pleasure and pain. Good times, bad times. Shoes are basically life.

“Please don’t faint.” Your patient just told you he’s a fainter. You tell him you appreciate the heads-up (because you really do) and you ask them to lie down just in case. There. Safe as can be. But still … you don’t love causing your patients to go unconscious. Maybe he won’t pass out if you start singing?

“Must be a full moon.” You trust science. You know in your heart brain that there are logical explanations for most if not all situations and outcomes. You also know that full moons don’t care. Positive you don’t need a butterfly needle? Think again! Where did your stack of 300 prep pads go? They all turned into werewolves and ran away.

What did we miss? Please let us know in the comment box below!