Halloween is right around the corner. You know what that means: it’s time to prove once again that phlebotomists are not vampires.
This myth refuses to die. Look, we get it: they both remove blood from people. So do mosquitoes, but no one draws that comparison – maybe because it’s more difficult to mistake phlebotomists for tiny bugs.
Still, is it really that tough to see that phlebotomists are highly skilled, caring healthcare professionals and vampires are nothing more than greedy bloodsuckers?
Here are eight major differences between phlebotomists and vampires.
Vampires don’t know what a median cubital vein is: Isn’t it sad that vampires live on blood yet most don’t know how best to acquire it? If you know a vampire who struggles with identifying and locating veins, you can make a difference. Get them this Blood Collection Sites Poster, an atlas that will lead them to happiness and fulfillment.
Vampires don’t care how much you bleed: As soon as they get their fill, sorry – you’re on your own. They probably won’t give you as much as a courtesy dab from their cape. That’s a far cry from phlebotomists, who are sure to stop any bleeding as soon as they’ve drawn what they need. Tourniquets and bandages aren’t that expensive, and it’s not like vampires aren’t well-to-do (see: Dracula’s castle).
Vampires aren’t concerned about your comfort: When’s the last time a vampire offered you a nice, soft pillow before he bit you? Once again, it’s all about them. Your friendly phlebotomist, on the other hand, is always well equipped with various positioning and pain management solutions. Special wedges and a nerve-confusing device that buzzes like a bee are among the tools a phlebotomist might use to ensure a comfortable experience.
Vampires are afraid of light: If they weren’t, they might be able to find good blood draw sites instead of biting around aimlessly hoping to get lucky. Think of how much time and frustration they could save themselves if they overcame their fears and invested in a transilluminator.
Vampires draw blood with their fangs: This is painful, not to mention unsanitary. Vampires seem to have no interest in preventing the spread of infection. Phlebotomists don’t draw blood with fangs. They use collection needles. Not only is it more pleasant, it’s also more efficient.
Vampires are undead: Sometimes phlebotomists work long shifts and might feel less than peppy, but they still have a pulse. Many have children and other obligations. They don’t get to laze around in a coffin all day waiting around for the next meal.
Vampires can turn into bats: One point for vampires.
Vampires hate garlic: This might apply to both, but phlebotomists are unlikely to flee in terror if their patient had Italian for lunch. Garlic is part of the lily family for crying out loud. Just hold your breath and deal with it.
Thanks for reading. Did we miss any important differences? Please leave them in the comment box below!